Celebrity cops

A South Carolina law enforcement agency regularly featured on “Live PD” has chosen to use its newfound celebrity for more than luring Twitter followers.

The Richland County Sheriff’s Department, a mainstay on the live’ish (there’s a short broadcast delay), late-night reality documentary that transforms viewers into couch-mounted citizens on patrol, is holding an auction to benefit United Way of the Midlands, a human services organization focusing on education, financial stability, and health.

According to The State newspaper, one auction item is a workout session with Deputy Garo Brown, a hulking officer who looks like he’d rather pull the earth from underneath a fleeing suspect like a magician snatching a tablecloth than to fool with a foot chase.

Also up for grabs is a Live PD package, featuring a T-shirt and autographed poster, bearing the John Hancocks of a bunch of folks who probably never planned on being TV “stars,” including longtime sheriff, Leon Lott.

Finally, for the show’s biggest superfan who wants his friends and family to know just how in love he is with Richland County’s night shift, there’s an opportunity to win a personalized voicemail greeting, recorded by one of the two most visible deputies on the show, Kevin Lawrence or Chris Mastrianni.

Bids for that prize start at $100, but it’s going toward a good cause.

Personally, this Sidebar reporter isn’t inclined to have any quasi-celebrities greet his wife, Navient reps, or the two friends who call from time to time, so if ever you should ring my bell — as some of you do to discuss court opinions or settlements — and the police answer, do me a solid: hang up immediately and give my number to a defense attorney of your choosing.